Defeated before you ever began…

Last week I got an e-mail from a woman who lives in Canada.  She found my blog doing a basic Google search on weight-loss. She explained that she has tried before to lose the weight she gained after the death of her sister (which was  a terrible time of tragedy in her life).  She tried the dieting thing, and walking more, and even some weight-loss pills.  Though as the story almost always goes, nothing worked for her, and so she gave up and has been unhappily living in a body that isn’t hers for years.  She just wanted some advice and general support, so I told her something that I want you all to hear.

The reason why dieting and exercise don’t work on 85% of those who set out to lose weight is because that is only treating the symptom.  The cause is usually an upset caused by divorce, unemployment, a death in the family, an illness, or other personal “setback”.  You cannot tell yourself you are fat, point a finger at why it happened, then expect your mind to just jump in line with the “cure”.  You have to break it down from the very beginning in order to truly begin from a place of success.

If you wonder why weight-loss through simple dieting and exercising hasn’t worked for you before, TRY this:

1.  Find a wonderful therapist!  There are so many people out there who are trained to listen to you, and they are really good at it.  I once told my best friend that I thought having a therapist should be some kind of law.  Even if you don’t think there is a problem, or if you think someone or something else is the problem, please find a therapist anyhow.

2. Realize: you will NEVER get fit in the future.  NOTHING happens in the future.  When was the last time you ate a bagel in the future?  Never…you ate it in the now!  If people keep thinking that sometime down the line, in the future, they will be saved by this event or that circumstance, they are wrong.  You get fit and healthy in the NOW.  This will never change.  Everything you are doing right now, in this moment, will determine your success for being healthy.  Every moment of the day, ask yourself: am I fit and healthy in this moment?  If you are eating a yummy turkey burger with yam fries and a salad, the answer is YES!  If you are taking a beautiful walk, the answer is YES!  If you are watching your third straight hour of TV, the answer is NO.  If you can live your life for one moment at a time (this moment to be exact) then you don’t have a monumental chore ahead of you…you just have to do the best you can right now.

3. Get a personal trainer: I know, you want to save money. You kicked smoking on your own, so certainly you can do this on your hard can it be?  Well, anyone knows all the information you need to get fit is FREE on the internet, in books and magazines.  So why do people who don’t have trainers fail?  A personal trainer is just that…personal.  We have a pretty good idea what your weaknesses and limitations are.  We also know how to talk to you because your life becomes our business.  We know when Aunt Sue is having her retirement crab-feed party, and we know how to talk you down from 3am rocky-road binges.  We also show up at your house even when you DON’T feel like training.  That’s right, just when you would normally let yourself off the hook with some great excuse, we come knocking, and no matter how much you complain, we are there to help you through it.  Lastly, if you paid good money for a chicken dinner, wouldn’t you eat it?  When you pay for a trainer, you are twice as likely to follow through because that was your hard-earned money you committed to spending when you signed up, and darned if you are going to let it go to waste!

4. Stop being so mean to yourself!  I want to tell you a funny story.  Very early on in my marriage, when my husband wouldn’t do what I wanted him to do, I would criticize him and get very snide.  “You never do this, and you never do that, and you are so lazy and inconsiderate!”  One day he turned to me and he said sarcastically, “You know, you being so mean to me about it really makes me want to do these things for you!”  I thought about that and I realized that for the first time in his life, he was right (I just had to get that in there).

No, really: being mean to someone isn’t going to make them want to be nicer to you, and the same goes for yourself!  If you tell yourself you are ugly, fat, lazy, stupid, eat like a pig, look bloated etc…you will not feel very good or want to make yourself feel better.  Negative self-talk will take you down every time.  Be kind to your body, it is the only one you will ever have.  Be kind to your spirit!  Just say no to thoughts that bring you down that have no place being there anyhow!

5. Don’t make excuses.  Whether it is a reason or an excuse, the fact is that you are unhappy with your body.  It doesn’t matter how you got there.  How can you possibly move into the now and start working on improving your life when your head is turned to look at the past?  Maybe something awful happened and you gained weight because of the situation…or maybe it just snuck up on you over the years.  It doesn’t matter, and it never did.  RIGHT NOW, this moment is what matters.

So let me ask you this: are you fit and healthy right NOW?

4 responses to “Defeated before you ever began…

  1. Man, just when I’d decided (for the third time) not to do this again, you totally call me out. You’re so right with all of this reasoning. Thank you for blogging!

  2. You KNOW I do all this because I love you, right? Well that and making money, but you are the most important 😉 I love you, girl! You are going to do it when you are good and ready. Your mind works like mine used to, everything is projected into the future, making tasks seem insurmountable. But if you stay in this moment, then there is NO task at all, only right now, and we can all deal with reality one little bite at a time. XO

  3. Pingback: What makes ME fat « Messymama's Weblog·

    • I’m so glad it helped. If people keep thinking of their long term goal…how far away it is, and how much progress they need to make, and how hard it will be…then they are already defeated. It’s one day at a time in this life, there is no other way to live, even if it were possible (which it is not)… 😉

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